In Praise of Older Women

It has been a while since I have written. Much water has gone under the bridge in the meantime.

My recent experiences have taught me that Shakti is transient. She moves in and out of  women. However, she makes herself discover-able. After losing Shakti in my beloved, I felt bewildered. I cannot recall doing anything different in the relationship; yet, the desire was gone. I tried to rationalise. In the end, I just accepted the situation. We are still very good friends, but she has become omnisexual, seeking her satisfaction in the ocean.

So what happened next?

I happened to meet an older lady. She is in her 80s. I could see from her smile that she was a dangerous woman, but she had all the appearances of being a prim and proper 'school mam'. She was coy and reserved, as one would expect of a recently-widowed woman. She was fit and healthy; trim, slim and upright. More like 60-something than 80-something.

It was clear that there was an attraction. She was insistent on telling me that she was 'too old' and that she had forgotten what to do. Her late husband's illness had precluded sex for a long time. I was invited for lunch and after eating, we sat down on a sofa and began to embrace and kiss. This had the effect of summoning forth Shakti. The result was explosive. Both of us were amazed at the intensity and passion. I was quite afraid of 'breaking' her, but as she does a routine of daily exercises, she is very tough.

Being a thinker,  she wanted us to analyse what was going on. Why, after so many dormant years, could the flames of passion be reignited? Why was I so attracted to her, given our age difference? Why was her sexual organs functioning so well, with lubrication and sensitivity. Why did she want to make love endlessly?

Considering these I answered that it seems that women are conditioned to believe that their sex lives are over after the menopause. Their men have no idea how to keep the juices flowing (literally!). I think women decide that they should quash their libido and take of crochet or flower arranging.

The flames of passion depends on the man; if he is skillful at fanning the embers, then a huge fire will ensue. Unhindered by thoughts of children or job or what anyone else will think of her, if she feels secure and love, a mature octogenarian will 'let go' completely. Combine this with a feeling that it could be the swan song, and you have a very passionate partner.

The age difference? It has no relevance. Yes, signs of ageing are inevitable, but it is not a body who I making love to, it is the soul. The body is just a device to accommodate the tactile world we live in.

Keeping fit and healthy is an important factor. Practicing yoga, for example, keeps the body supple. Sensible nourishment as well. Meditation and living an independent but social life (children, friends, etc) allows a woman to maintain and grow self-worth and self-esteem.

My mature lover is like a teenager in her eagerness and agility. It is highly erotic. Her orgasms are remarkable and she is constantly coming, and is wet (although I have to constantly assure her that it is nothing to be embarrassed about)

We are both fundamentally changed by what has happened. She confides with her daughters and they have said that they are no longer afraid of ageing. I feel that this woman, unless Shakti takes flight again, will be able to maintain her lifestyle and libido until she is well over 100. Sex for her is a therapy and people have commented on how much younger she seems.

The real beauty of the relationship is that it can be kept very private, because in our culture, no one would credit it that two pensioners would be having such wild sex sessions which last for many hours on a daily basis. This privacy is extremely important and the 'school mam' image works as a nice facade.

I wonder how many other women experience this renaissance? It seems that it would depend on their being a supply of men who are over 50 but understand tantra. Those men have to learn to love gently, take time and not be affected by cultural body images.

If their are any senior women in my audience, take heart; their is no such thing as an end of a sex life. It may be re-awoken at any time, given the right stimulation.

If you are around the age of menopause, please be aware. You may well have 60 years of your life left. It is possible to enjoy sex even more that when you were in your reproductive age. It is an incentive to you not to fear getting old. Find a younger man who understands Tantra and let go - let go of the worries and responsibilities. It will transform your life.





 

Trump, Putin, Erdogan Declare War on Women

The "strong men" of the world have declared war on women. Through changes in the law, Trump, Putin and Erdogan are showing their misogyny.  A reaction by the inadequate men of the world who think they have lost their power.

Their values are the antithesis of Tantra. They cannot accept that women are superior beings. Any enlightened man can see this. 

They want to suppress women by rape and violence. Instead of worshiping the Divine Feminine. This is  unacceptable. This signifies the end of humanity. Greed and power chasing fewer and fewer resources. More people in the world dividing up an ever diminishing cake.

I am a man and although I reach inside myself, cannot help but feel despondent. Despondent that women could vote for these monsters. That they can admire these monsters. That they could sleep with the male supporters of these monsters.

As I have said before, if men discovered their real role in this life, they would find bliss. By worshiping the Divine Feminine present in every female.

All my sisters who have gained sexual realization and a Kundalini awakening. Talk to other women, educate them. Do not tolerate ignorance. Do not submit to idiotic men. Do not let money and materialism tempt you. Better to live alone than with a spiritual cretin.

Enlightenment or Ignorance - it is Your Choice.

Enlightenment is an insight into the spiritual. It also means "the full comprehension of a situation". The opposite meaning is ignorance.

If you become enlightened with Tantra, you start to realize that most of humanity is ignorant. Not only in Tantric terms, but just the way we live. 

I feel that humanity today exists in a western-culturally led globalisation.  This has turned many of us into potted plants. Society feeds and  waters us to keep things just so. To be useful to carry out work for others. To keep the status quo.

We think that we can be "happy" by amassing material goods. We focus on time. We worship money, the great mammon. The education system dumbs us down with outcome orientated teaching. We accept that the world is becoming a rougher, less caring place. We focus on "me", the ego.

It could be so different. If we want to move forward in peace, we must think in a new way.

First of all, we have to start with our health. Without our health, we cannot be good lovers. It is hard to give if you are thinking about pain. We eat food that is not real food. To make someone rich, or as government policy. This leads to chronic illness: cancer, diabetes, heart disease, etc.

We have to take responsibility for our health . We can start by proper eating in modest amounts. We have to practice intermittent fasting and occasional calorific restriction.

We have to learn to centering, the single-point of attention. That is not found in your head, it is in your 'Hara', below your navel.

We have to learn correct breathing and how to move.

When we are healthy, we can move to fitness. Mental and physical fitness. Then we can give, engage with our minds and higher consciousness. We learn to do this and later we can learn to fuse with another enlightened human to release the full power of Tantra.

99.9% of people are living in ignorance. They have locked themselves in their intellect, egos and emotions. They are not in their sensuality.

In my opinion, there is one group, a large group, who have the easiest path. These are mothers who have brought their children to adulthood. There we have a dilemma. Because of cultural stereotypes, the women suffer from low self esteem and self worth. What a shame. 

The loving potential of these women can power the world. That potential is only released when the men become enlightened.

So, let me restate my mantra: The role of men on this Earth is to worship the Divine Feminine.  

Apart from being the catalyst to help women reach a higher and higher level of consciousness, they can do a lot. It starts with total respect for women. No molesting, no rape, no putting women down. No equality as feminists would have. Rather an elevation of all women to a status of the Divine Goddess.

That does not mean that men should be patronizing. Being strong and protective at the same time loving and tender is the duty of all men. Providing the means to procreation and supporting mother and child is another. Men must never regard women as property. They must accept the non-permanence of relationships. The latter is hard to achieve. Jealousy, envy and possession are all apart of our material world.  Rejection is hard for the ego to deal with. But we must get rid of the idea of monogamy and possession. It is a poison.  

If you are a woman reading this: Trust your intuition. Realize your sexuality. Look after your health.

If you are a man reading this: Accept that women are on a higher plane in the sentinent hierarchy. Use your sensuality and empathy as a strength. Do not consider it a weakness. Listen to your partner. Your aim is to help bring her to a lasting sensual orgasm and keep her there for as long as possible. You will then sense the energy of the cosmos. This is a reward in itself.

Namaste.

I love this following video.

Why We Should Study Tantra as Individuals from Katrina Bos on Vimeo.

You've Lost That Loving Feeling....When your Tantric Woman loses interest

“You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips

And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips”

                                                                                -“You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling”

I often wondered as a kid, what this song was about. Was it that his woman did not love him anymore? Perhaps she no longer found him attractive? She has another lover? Who knows?

My experience shows a different possibility.

Let us assume that Shakti is not your Tantric lover. Let us say that she is not the Divine Love Goddess. That Shakti reveals herself through a window that your partner has opened.

There are many different scenarios and situations leading to a form of kundalini awakening. The conditions have to be there to allow the two snakes to uncoil themselves. This can be an awareness of the woman. The intellect can be a driver. We men may kid ourselves that we are responsible.

The fact is that a woman can open the window to allow you to experience Shakti, the true Divine Love Goddess. And she can close it again. Just like that.

This can come as a shock. A blow to the ego, if you are still carrying one around. When she is no longer interested in making love. When it appears that she has gone cold on you. A million thoughts can pass through your mind. “What am I doing wrong?”, What happened?”. “Is there somebody else?”.

 Are you doing anything wrong? No, not if you are concentrating on her pleasure. If she is a Tantric lover, she would have told you that you could do better. Is there somebody else? A Tantric lover has to be empathic to allow the window to open, so she would tell you if there was, for sure. But if there is, just hope that he is a better lover than you are, because you do wish her the best. What happened? Several things are possible: Unfortunately, cultural norms affect Tantric women. It may well be that she has been in the negative atmosphere of other women who have a downer on all males. They may persuade her that she ought not to trust men. These women can be the older ones who have never experienced an awakening. Or they could be rabid feminists.

 Another possibility is that your Tantric lover has had a major change in her life. These changes can be the in the form of a lifestyle change, an illness, an emotional shock or the menopause.

You may well find that although you are a good Tantric lover, you suck in other ways! Yet I think that being open and honest with each other would lead her to tell you.

Sometimes it is that your lover cannot tell you what the reason is. Only that she does not want to take part in love making. For no particular reason. That is tough.

My theory is that we as men are invoking Shiva to find Shakti and we make the mistake in assuming that our lover is Shakti. We have to understand that if the conditions exist, your lover will show you Shakti. It is this embodiment that you are making love to. You are creating cosmic energy fusions. Your lover moves to a higher level of consciousness. She is making a path available by connecting with her mind.

So, what to do?

If you are friends with your lover, you need to show understanding. Give her room and time. Perhaps leave her alone completely for a while. Her window may open again – it may not. If it doesn’t, it is sad. This is Shakti in her role as the Great Destroyer. It hurts. You feel devastated. You feel that everything was perfect. That it should last forever. You want to go back in time and do something to avert the present situation.

If you have to move on, understand this. Your lover was never yours. She was the vehicle for Shakti. She opened a window for you. The window closes with this lover. It will open another place.

 “If You Love Someone, Set Them Free. If They Come Back They’re Yours” -Richard Bach

Are Women their own worst enemies?

I have a female friend who was at a get together of other women recently. They had originally met as a group of mothers at their kids' pre-school and now, some 10 years later, they were together again. My friend is a now a single mom, but is sexually self-realized and has decided that she no longer needs marriage as a part of her lifestyle. The other moms were either still married, or had moved on into other relationships. There was a strange reaction when she told about how her life was. There was no reference to her intimate life, mind you. Some of the women that she considered to be friends in the old days shunned her. She was rather taken aback at this but it did not spoil the general good tone of the party. She brought this up with me after a few days and we talked about what may have been going on. One of the things we discussed was that maybe the friends were either jealous or even scared of her. Why jealous? Because her demeanor is one of a woman who is satisfied and happy with herself, and therefore life. She gets what she wants without having to obey the rules of having to "give" herself to a man that she should live with. Perhaps that is what these women truly want without having the self-confidence or self-worth to be able to accomplish it. Scared, because I feel that "conventional" women see a loose, sexually-free woman as a threat. A threat to their ideals of marriage and social conformity and a threat to themselves directly, as they would not like their hubbies to come anywhere near this woman. This is clearly how women are supposed to react; as a part of the game, they are expected to uphold the patriarchal conventions of subservience and possession. A women should "belong" to a man and a man should "belong" to a women. That is marriage, isn't it? It seems to me that the witch hunts of previous times were not instigated by men, rather by women who were jealous and scared of any women who was free, wise and attractive. This attitude was reinforced in Christian lands by the church. Therefore women were demonized if they were not under the cosh of a man and some dreadful crimes were committed against them. We don't burn witches today, although in some cultures, any woman who deviates is punished by stoning to death. In so-called civilized countries, it is still the norm to ostracize free-thinking, free-living women and cast them as sinners and a threat to the institution of marriage and the family. I don't think women, generally, have come very far since the witch-burning times. What a shame. If we are going to move forward or even survive as the human race, we need to get back to appreciating the Divine Feminine in every woman. That means first and foremost that women have to listen to their inner voice and rediscover what was so prominent 10,000 or so years ago. Other women who are on the path should support every effort by their sisters and not feel envious or resentful. Only when all women are aware can they hope to educate men on how to treat women as Divine Love Goddesses.

Sacred Sexuality (by Shrif Swami)

Tantra says: The appeal of sex is because it gives you a moment of egolessness, timelessness, meditation. Because of ego-gratification, sex has become very very superficial, it only scratches the skin. It does not go deep, it has no depth. So many people are worried about premature ejaculation. The reason? They don’t love. If they love, then naturally they can make love for longer periods — the more you are in love, the longer the period will be. For hours you can be in love, because there is no hurry, the ego is not controlling.

In a Tantra coitus you can remain for hours. It is a kind of melting with the woman or with the man, it is a kind of relaxation into each other’s being. And it is meditative, because there is no ego, no thought stirs. And time stops. This is a glimpse of God. Tantra is the natural way to God, the normal way to God. The object is to become so completely instinctual, so mindless, that we merge with ultimate nature — that the woman disappears and becomes a door for the ultimate, the man disappears and becomes a door for the ultimate.

This is the Tantra definition of our sexuality: The return to absolute innocence, absolute oneness. The greatest sexual thrill of all is no search for thrills, but a silent waiting. Utterly relaxed, utterly mindless. One is conscious, conscious only of being conscious. One is consciousness. One is contented, but there is no content to it. And then there is great beauty, great benediction..

Sexual Energy (by Shrif Swami)

Sexual energy is a wastage if it only remains confined to sex, but it becomes a great blessing if it starts transforming its quality: sex not for sex’ sake — use sex as a communion of love. Use sex as a meeting of two souls, not only of two bodies. Use sex as a meditative dance of two persons’ energies. And the dance is far richer when man and woman are dancing together — and sex is the ultimate in dance: two energies meeting, merging, dancing, rejoicing.

But use it as a stepping-stone, as a jumping-board. And when you reach the climax of your sex orgasm, become aware of what is happening, and you will be surprised — time has disappeared, mind has disappeared, ego has disappeared. For a moment there is utter silence. This silence is the real thing!

By Shrif Swami Reposted from Tantric Therapy on Facebook.